Baby Care and Parenting Tips

Too often I see children standing up in cars, looking out the back window or just sitting on laps. Don’t parents know that in an accident the body of an unrestrained child becomes a projectile, bouncing around the interior of the car? A child can be thrown from the car or through a window or windshield and fatally injured, and occupants of the vehicle can be hurt by a child impacting their heads or necks. Apparently, some people still have not gotten the message.

Are car seats too expensive? Or are people just plain lazy?

There are different types of car seat, usually varying depending on the size, age or weight of the child. Remember to buy a new car seat – old car seats may not have the latest safety features or may have been compromised in an accident.

Infant car seats – only face the rear; usually used in the back seat; may be used as an infant carrier and may be attachable to a stroller.

Convertible car seats – Used in the rear; when your child gets older may change into a forward-facing car seat or even a booster seat.

Booster seats – the last step before your child can wear a regular seat belt; used with the car’s seatbelt.

It is important that you follow the manufacturer’s instructions about how to attach the car seat. Also, you always want to send in the car seat’s registration form, so you are notified if the manufacturer recalls the seat for any defect. If your child is wearing a heavy coat, make certain that the harness straps are tight. Make sure to tighten the straps when your child wears lesser outerwear (when the weather warms up). Some safety agencies recommend removing your child’s outerwear in the car, so that the child can be fastened securely into the car seat.

Do not re-use a car seat after a serious accident – one that causes severe damage to the car. Get a new one.

Common car seat mistakes:

Placing child in wrong size car seat for his weight/size;

Placing a rear-facing car seat in the front seat of the car;

Not making sure the harness is tightened correctly;

Positioning the harness chest clip incorrectly;

Not using the latch correctly.

Not just a safety issue, it’s the law. Below I summarize New York Vehicle and Traffic Law, Section 1229-c. For specific questions, consult the statute. No person shall operate a motor vehicle in this state unless:

(1) all back seat passengers under the age of four are restrained in a specially designed seat which is either permanently affixed or is affixed to such vehicle by a safety belt,

(2) all back seat passengers of such vehicle who are age four or older but under age seven are restrained in an appropriate child restraint system (+ combination lap and shoulder harness belts)

(3) all front seat passengers (a) under the age of sixteen are restrained by a safety belt; or (b) if they are under the age of four, by a specially designed seat which is either permanently affixed or affixed to such vehicle by a safety belt, or children who are age four or older but under age seven are restrained in an appropriate child restraint system (+ combination lap and shoulder harness belts)

The rule changes somewhat if: the passenger four or younger weighs more than 40 pounds, or if the car is not equipped with shoulder harness belts, or if all the lap and shoulder belts are already in use by other children in the car

No person shall operate a motor vehicle unless such person is restrained by an approved safety belt. No person sixteen years of age or over shall be a passenger in the front seat of a motor vehicle unless such person is restrained by an approved safety belt.

This section shall not apply to taxis, liveries, and buses other than school buses EXCEPT no person shall operate a school bus unless all passengers under the age of four are restrained in a specially designed detachable or removable seat, or another approved restraining device.

The world is a far more scary and complicated place than it was when you were a child.  As a result, it’s imperative that you set adequate yet fair boundaries with your child.  It’s a very important role in your parenting responsibilities. Children must make difficult decisions each day, and if they don’t have clear, firm boundaries set, they may not always make the wisest choice.Limits teach children proper restraint in social and individual activities and provide children with necessary structure and security to assist in healthy development. Setting limits also provide children with guidance before they have an opportunity to get into trouble, thus making them more successful with everyday life.A child’s age and developmental level needs to be considered when setting limits. All children have a need for independence and individualization; however, they also need structure, security and parental involvement. It goes without saying that the needs of a 2-year old vary greatly than those of a teenager.A toddler has a strong desire to explore and investigate, but parameters need to be set to ensure their safety while doing so. Teenagers need to be able to be an individual and be independent, but with strong parental guidance and influence, are more likely to make smart choices in difficult situations.Limits should be discussed and set prior to the situation. Though situations arise that weren’t planned on, daily situations should have set limits and expectations. A teenager who breaks curfew may have the privilege of going out with friends revoked until they learn respect for the rules.  A child who misbehaves while playing with a friend may need to be separated from the fun until they can learn to properly behave.Children respond in a positive manner in an environment in which they know what to expect and what is excepted of them. A child will be more respectful towards rules and more willing to abide by them if the rules are clear and consistent.  Additionally, it’s crucial that once a limit is set that they caregiver stick to it.A child is less likely to try and manipulate a caregiver into changing the limits when their experience has been that there’s no bending on the limits.   And remember, you are the one who sets the limits and lays down the law.  There’s no need to argue with your child.  Be firm and consistent and they are less likely to challenge the rules and will accept the consequences.–

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Though we all worry about spoiling our child, rest assured that you cannot spoil your child with love. Love doesn’t spoil children. Love is imperative to a child’s healthy development, and it’s just not possible to love your child too much. They need caring adults to spend time with them, play with them, teach them, protect them, and enjoy life with them.

It’s a parent’s job to provide love, safety and encouragement. The process of growing up provides children with lots of challenges. Try to listen openly and understand their situation and communicate honestly with them when they have difficulties and letdowns in their life.

Set appropriate limits with your child and then adhere to them. Establishing limits with your child gives them a sense of safety and security.  Sometimes parents do not set limits because they don’t want to fight with their children. They don’t want to cause bad feelings. They may beg a child to comply. Or they may make a rule and fail to enforce it. They may nag without ever enforcing the rules. None of these helps children. When your child fails to adhere or comply with the boundaries you’ve set for them, be firm yet kind in your response. This lets them know that you’re serious about the rule but dedicated to helping and loving them.  Bear in mind though that each child is different and what works for one child may not work for another.  For example, one child may respond well to the direct approach of telling them a specific time to be home, where another child may need a gentle reminder that it’s now time to come home.

Develop a firm but kind manner of making and enforcing your household’s rules and expectations.  There’s no need to fear our children, and there should be no need to instill a sense of fear in our children in order to get them to comply.

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times.  We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them.  Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting.  Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond.  We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences.  However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.  By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid.  But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they’re coming from.  Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own.  Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention.  Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child.   Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated.  Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic.  Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations.  By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from.  Remember, respond – don’t react.